So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
