So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
