miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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