ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
