ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
