I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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