this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
