I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize