you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
