At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
