dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
