I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
