what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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