i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
