Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
