In America we eat man semen.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
