i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
