I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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