it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
