my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
