We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
