If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
