Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
