I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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