You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize