please come you make the beer taste better
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
