note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
