I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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