Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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