I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize