Ambien. No doubt about it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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