Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
