About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we're making bets on your personal life
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
