I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
