then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
