I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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