Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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