you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
