Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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