So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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