Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize