she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My bed smells like the plague
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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