you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
did i just pee glitter
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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