Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
