my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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