I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I love having hate sex.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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