she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize