was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
A bitchslap is in order.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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