My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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