there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
