the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
