just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
