I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize