Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
