I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
