People with herpes should wear stickers.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize