One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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