MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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