Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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