Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
