Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
