Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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