Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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