I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
