So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
