She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
