I am puke
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
