All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
