she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
