Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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