it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
