My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
